“Begin anywhere” ~ John Cage
Happy new year!
If you want to start or change anything begin anywhere you feel is best. And the change we needed, wanted and made was actually at the end of 2019. We got a new appartement! Okay it is in the same building but it is way bigger and I really like how homey it feels. Don’t get me wrong, our old place was great for the time being and I loved every minute that it was ours however this new place is better suited for us.
So, the new appartement was a lot of sweat, work and in a way a lot of stress but it was so worth it. I love having the extra space, in fact it actually feels like a house instead of an appartement. With a new place come changes; buying new furniture maybe or getting rid of things that you thought you wanted to keep just to have them in a box for years. Those are exactly the things I did. I got rid of stuff that I thought I needed to keep when we first moved into our old place, I bought a few new pieces for the new appartement but most important of all, we chose a completely different floor and different colours to go on the walls. And no, not all of the walls have multiple colours just a few are different colour. Overall, everything is white but there are a few walls that are dark blue, a kind of camouflage green or grey. The new place meant new chances, new things and I took the opportunity to change it all. This place is will be our home for the next unknown of years but I cannot wait for all the wonderful things that we will experience here.
This was the 5th New Years eve since the passing of my mother and every year it gets a little bit easier. It sounds weird but the first few years I could not go through the holidays and NYE without crying but now I don’t feel like I have to cry every time. I don’t really know how to explain it because I do think of my mother every time and every Christmas. And yes, I do still get sad when I think of her during the holidays, just the tears stay away. And honestly, it feels very weird but it just means that the tears that showed my pain have now gone on to let my heart ‘cry’ instead of my eyes.
Holidays will always be painful but you learn to have new traditions, new loved ones and new families. They will help you get through those days and they will show you that life is still great even though that one person isn’t around anymore.
I always think: mom is looking down on me and she is hella proud of me. I just know.
And for all the people who have lost someone, they are proud of you no matter what you do, as long as you are happy.