‘It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.’ ~ J.K. Rowling
I cannot express how difficult it is to somehow get closure for losing someone. How hard it is to not dwell on what could’ve been different if that person would still be here. I can’t tell you have often I have thought about how different my life would be if my mom would be with us today. But the reality is, she is not here anymore and she would want me to live the best life I could possibly have. And even though I miss here so much, I can honestly say; I love my current life.
In high school, after I came back from Nepal and continued, I was the girl from the earthquake for a few months and I felt like I was stared at. However, going to college and meeting so many people, they didn’t know me or my background. I looked at it as a new chance to be just ‘Anna’. I told people about it after a month or 2, because it is something they should know but I purposely waited. If it came up in conversation I told people but I never brought it up. I wanted people to get to know me and not the girl from the earthquake.
The best thing was because I wasn’t sad all the time, nobody noticed that I had been through so much. Some days it took quite some energy to smile or just be at school but it made me feel ‘normal’ again. Something I find ‘funny’ is the fact that every time I tell my story, people expect me to cry and be the saddest person you can think of. However, if people would know how much energy crying, that much costs, they would understand that I don’t want to ‘waste’ energy on it.
I won’t let this tragedy define me. It became my driving force to get great grades and to work hard for anything I want. The message I’m trying to bring across is that, yes life sucks and I wish I had my mom here, but my life is still amazing because I didn’t dwell on it. Stupidly said, I snapped out of my sadness after a few weeks. Don’t get me wrong, I still cry, more often than people would think. But I get it out of my system and continue, I work my butt off to get my college degree.
Now, I am not saying to ‘get over it’, I’m saying; crying is okay but you don’t have to be sad all the time or cry all the time to be grieving. Grieving is also continuing your life and becoming the best possible version of yourself just like your loved one would’ve wanted.