The stabbing feeling of the loss

‘Come back. Even as a shadow, even as a dream.’ ~ Euripides

People often ask me; how are you doing? How have you been? What’s life like without her in it? Honestly, how is a person supposed to answer such questions? How are you doing? ‘Yeah, I’m alright.’ But honestly, I’m not, but if I say I’m not, you are supposed to listen and try to have a sense of what my life is like, and that is not fair. Some people do honestly want to know how you are and are prepared for you to burst into tears at any given moment in the conversation. But, most people would want to comfort you but do not know how.

It is difficult for people to image how a life without a mother is. Do not get me wrong, I am not the only person who has lost her mother at a young age. But I am the only person who is living it. So, imagining how someone is in a certain situation, is exactly that, imagining. No one should be burying their mother at the age of 16 years old. They should have a happy long life. Get childern and have a mother who is delighted to be a grandmother and help you with your family.

What I’m trying to say is; you are never completely okay. You will never completely feel ‘extreme happiness’. That is okay. It is okay to miss someone, in my case my mom. It is okay to be sad. It is okay to mourn for years and years. There is no limit to mourning and grieving. In fact, in my opinion, you will completely stop grieving. You learn how to live without that person in your life.

Recently, the 4 years ‘anniversary’ of my mothers death came around. 4 years….. Time literally flies because for me it feels like yesterday that I heard the phone ring with the horrible news.

The hurt, the tears, the anger, the disbelief, it all came flooding back. The stabbing feeling of losing you hit me again. I cannot count the number moments that I have had like that over the years. Everyone will experience these moments in the years after losing someone. It is important however, to realize that it is okay to laugh, to love and to continue with your life. Your loved one would never want you to hold back, miss out or regret anything that you do because you miss them.

As a final thing, please remember to always say things like goodbye or I love you. The world and your life can change in a matter seconds.

Remember be kind, loving and respectful

Love,

Anna

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